Back, and hopefully here to stay

Finally, I get down to blogging again! i tried more than once in this last week-- honestly, I did-- but i just couldn't write a coherent entry without getting distracted by something or the other.But today I am in more of a writerly mood again, proven by a 3 page diary entry almost first thing in the morning. A good time to get the blog restarted.

So, quick update for those of you who are completely out of touch with me (which you would be if your primary source of information is this blog!). I'm moving to New York in a month, all set for a Masters in Creative Writing at Sarah Lawrence College. I quit work at the beginning of this month to take a break and have been spending my days between the pottery wheel and dates with friends i haven't seen in a while. And, a little bit, the notebook (electronic and otherwise). I haven't noticed how these two weeks have gone by, which is quite something because i cannot usually be home for more than a few days without getting restless... oh well, I'm not complaining!

It's been lovely to spend so much time at the pottery wheel again... I really need to find a way of keeping this up at grad school. It's such a different art form than writing that it becomes the perfect balance between the head and the hands, the verbal and the tactile. And it's one of those art forms that forces you into a patience you might otherwise never have had... also forces you to accept the things beyond your control and enjoy the process of making art without getting too worked up about the result (that clay always seems to have a mind of its own!).

That reminds me of something i read yesterday in (I think) Anne Lamott's wonderful book "Bird by Bird" (it's a book on writing, before you ask). She talked about how many of her students want to "have written" something more than they want to "write". That was a powerful observation for me, int eh context of both my writing and my pottery... how much do i want to create art, and how much do i want to have created art? And which is more important to me?

Definitely the process of creating... that's where I find joy and my reason for doing this in the first place. And the more I think about this, the more I realize this is why publication doesn't mean as much to me... I'd much rather write and teach writing all my life, full of the joy of it, than I would publish a few books while rushing through the process. At the end of the day, though, i guess they aren't that separable. Still, my heart is the doing, not in the having done.

Yesterday, i was feeling very disgruntled by how the words weren't coming, by how darn bored i was feeling as i tried to blog. So i was thinking about what words mean, about how my world changes when i write. The reflection didn't get me writing yesterday, but definitely got me writing today, and will hopefully keep me writing over the next few weeks and months (i'm going to commit to 2 blog posts a week until I leave for grad school... although i am promising myself i will write everyday, let's say that twice a week, i will write for a blog audience... if it happens more often, great, but for now, let me hold myself to this!).

So, what i realized through that reflection yesterday is that I am more alive when i am writing continuously than when i am not. And i don't just mean more alive during the physical act of writing; i'm talking about that writerly mood. Because, in order to write, you have to pay attention to life. You have to notice the smells and sights and sounds and little absurdities around you... you have to look for meaning in what is otherwise mundane and everyday. I remember, while I was blogging regularly, i would often see some random thing on the road and think about the blog posts that could be based on it... posts like "New Delhi's traffic lights" or even the entries from Mongolia were born from that wakefulness. These days, since i havent been writing very much, i can afford to ignore the little miracles that take place aorund me everyday. Of course, i can't really afford that, it makes me feel lethargic-- emotionally. So i'm going to now push myself to reconnect, to notice, to oepn up my senses, and to write.

Look for more regualar posts from here onwards, and scold me if i don't write at least twice a week! ;)