A month into being back in NY

Wow, it's been that long, huh? It's strange that I could so regularly find time to blog in Mexico and can't now, considering i was busier then and have more internet access now! But I think that's a good metaphor for a lot of things I care about doing but only find time to do when it's hard to do them!

Well, so, back in New York. Coming back was hard in some ways; I knew I was going to miss mexico and all my Mexican friends terribly. But more than that, i felt like I was returning to a place that was cold and unwelcoming in comparison to what I was leaving behind, and I spent my first few days here sulking about it. Then, fortunately, i told myself to snap out of it; this is the place I have chosen as home for hte next year, and i need to find ways to enjoy it, to make it home if it isn't already home. And sure enough, once I made that decision, I started meeting the people I needed to meet and encountering the activities I needed to encounter to start feeling more at home here than I ever have.

I've been making an effort to create my community in NYC, and yesterday I took part in an open mic at one of the slam venues. I wish I could say it was an incredible introduction to this community, but to be honest, I didn't enjoy the show at all. I had set a pretty high standard for this place based on 2-3 past visits, it came crashing down, to a point where I'm pretty sure I'm not going back anytime soon. Much of the poetry was average or below average, and one poem by the featured poet was outright racist, and he made the fatal (in my book) mistake of making fun of Mexicans and Indians back to back-- that's just geared to piss me off, taking the two cultures closest to my heart and doing stupid accents and parodies of them! Nope, none of his girlfriend's "you all need to know he's a really good guy and his heart is always in the right place when he does parodies" helped that purpose any, racist jokes simply aren't funny to me, and excuses like "a good heart" hurt rather than help your cause. I know one feature I'm definitely avoiding in the future!

Still, stepping up to that open mic was important for my growth in this moment of my career. I enjoyed being on stage again after a long time, and I took a lot of risks-- taking a poem that is brand new and not only very raw craft-wise but also one that makes me feel very vulnerable, getting up on stage when i was called on at a new venue even though the three regulars from that community whom I consider friends had all either not come in or stepped out, and not even taking a written copy of the poem with me. Given all of that, it's a good feeling to have done it, I can't imagine any other performances intimidating me now!

I'm moving out of Bronxville and into the city this week, and I'm really excited about the move, especially since I am moving to a primarily Latino neighborhood, and I think that's really the only subculture in New York that I could ever be comfortable in (no, not even the Indian American community would compare).  Plus, I will be right by the river, a saving grace amidst all the madness of the city. I also have two very exciting possible internships coming up, will be living with a close friend, and all in all, am really excited to see where this year takes me. More on all of that soon, I hope.