So, here I am again, after another couple of weeks. A crazy couple of weeks (but then again, I say that every time, don't I?). Here are some quick thoughts and summaries on my life right now.

1) Mom broke her hand. On the 10th of Jan, she joined me for an office picnic. We were playing frisbee, she slipped on some wet grass, and she fractured her right wrist in 3-4 places. Had surgery a few days later, and her arm's still in a cast (will be for 6 weeks!). Once the dust settled and the initial worries about the surgery were over, once she was back home from hospital, I could start processing those few days. First, of course, there is the sense of the stupidity of that accident... maybe all accidents are stupid, but a little fall in the park seems like a terrible reason for 2 months of pain and dependence! Once I got over the frustration and worry, though, i also realized just how much hospitals put life into perspective. Hospitals have always been part of my life, I practically grew up in the eye clinic, and lately they've been more a part of my life because of Nana's and Mom's illnesses. And there, in hospitals-- in elevators and public spaces in hospitals-- you really get a sense of so may people's stories. It's one of the few public places where people are openly vulnerable, are afraid, cry, shriek with pain or with joy or with grief. So much human drama takes place in hospital lobbies that it can be quite overwhelming. But it's also powerful and humbling. How can you lament a broken wrist when you overhear a family grieving over a young man who has just been diagnosed HIV positive and also has a fatal liver disease? every grief deserves its own place, it is true, but hospitals put them in those places, prevent the broken wrists from taking over the places that need to be reserved for the liver diseases. (Disclaimer: I hate hospitals... the smell of antiseptic makes me gag, at least partially because i have far too many unpleasant memories associated with it. But even in that hatred, i have found that they help me regain perspective).

2) as i write still more grduate fellowship essays (will they ever end?), i had an interesting conversation with a close friend the other day. I was telling him how one of my essays starts witha conversation that he and i have often had... and that he was an important part of that particular essay. He was curious to know mroe and to read the essay, but i hesitate to show him it; i don't think he'll like it. Another close common friend also wants to read it, and again I hesitate. It's also an essay that I would never be able to publish or put up on the blog because to do so would be an invasion ofhis privacy. Another personal statement i wrote left me in a similar situation with someone from college... i would love for him to read my personal statement, but I cannot show it to him because he would probably be highly uncomfortable with it, and I definitely cannot show it to many others because again there are huge privacy issues at stake. Of course, neither mentions names or details that would help a stranger identify them, which is why i am ok with strangers on the admissions committee reading them, but common friends and acquaintances would probably guess right away. All this is making me mighty uncomfortable. I am realizing how much i will have to walk this fine line between public and private if i ever plan to publish my work. I am ok with exposing myself (it took a while but i did finally get there, mroe or less) but, for obvious reasons, not with exposing the lives of others i love. And yet, i find that i exist in relationships, find that it is impossible for me to write about myself without writing abotu the people close to me. Nothing about me makes sense in isolation. I know, I know, it sounds redundant-- obvious-- but there it is, a simple and hughly uncomfortable fact when it comes to personal writing. not sure where to take that, but wanted to put it out there.

OK, i could write at least as much mroe as i already wrote about. But this was supposed to be a warm-up exercise before i start writing those essays. It won't do to spent any more time on a warm up. So, more when i sit down at the computer next time round.