Writer's Block

This blog entry is simply an attempt to break through Writer's Block, as i sit staring at an empty word document an hour before bedtime, longing to have at least one draft of this essay done tonight. Once the ball gets rolling, i know i can get a draft down in half an hour... but right now, the ball isn't rolling.

I'm trying to write an autobiography. One of my grad school aps and one fellowship application want me to write an autobiography. Of up to a 1000 words. Sum up my life in a 1000 words. And I don't even know where to begin.

In some ways, all personal statements have stumped me in this way... even jsut the idea of summing up all your academic interests, your interest in this program or that school, your dreams for the future, your work expereince... and then trying to make that essay seem interesting (applying to writing programs, the essay better be interesting!) is a lot of work. But at least, there you have your broad area of focus delimited for you. In this case, this "autobiography" is in addition to that kind of personal statement AND another statement about why I want to go to that particular school (yes, 3 essays for one school). At first, I really liked that because, after playing mindgames trying to sum everything up in 300 words for another school, I felt liberated by the amount of space. More than that, I felt that here, finally, was a graduate program that actually wanted to get to know me, not jsut my work but me. I still feel that, which is a large part of why i want to take this autobiography thing seriously. And yet, and yet, where does one begin?

In some ways, writing is always this process of overcoming self-doubt, isn't it? For a couple of weeks I was struggling with an essay for the internal newsleter at work, sure I was making no progress whatsoever, sure I could never get it done. And then one evening i forced myself to sit down at the computer because it was due the next day (had been due the previous day actually!)... and I got it down in an hour. I'm still amazed at the way that happens, even though I have expereinced it hundreds of times. Just sitting down, trusting the process that even when it seems like i have nothing meaningful to say i just need to keep saying it and suddenly it will all fall together (ok, the first couple paras will probably get thrown out at that point). And yet, every time, i wonder where to begin.

I jsut answered my own question, didn't I? Stop wondering what to write, just write. And trust the process. Oh, when will I learn to take my own advice?

Autobiography time now!